i feel numb

my test is coming, my departure is getting closer each day . if my test ends, it means i'm already off, too! i still can't imagine what will i be in the future, what will i look like..

there's just so much things i left behind. my families, my friends, my stuffs, my home, my bedroom, my blanket, my pillow, and my favorite dolly. i just wish times could either stop or reverse. i just wish that i didn't have to screw up our relationship. i wish to see your morning and night greetings to my cellphone everyday. i just want a day where miracles does happens. i wanna be the happiest girl in the world even for just 1 minute. a lot of things i can't said directly to you is because i don't have the guts to face that U ACTUALLY HATES ME. I always try hard to convince myself that u still love me and this is only a break. guess now, i'm left all by myself.

yesterday, when i walked home alone, i started to wonder. i pity those guys who was single and believe me, single is not happy. there is always a time where we need sum1 to rely on, to share with, etc. maybe ur appearance is just a few steps in my life's line but it hurts me to see u walk away. i keep regretting myself for ever being a jerk to you. when i looked back and saw all our wonderful memories, all i can do is cried because THOSE WERE THE BEST MEMORIES I'VE EVER HAD througout my entire life. :) I WISH SOMEDAY U'LL UNDERSTAND AND SEE.

OMG! my hair...

Jesus!!! My hairr.. It's such a disaster.. I just had it cut yesterday for the yearbook picture.. It seems to me that it will be perfect.. Until I look in the mirror yesterday.. It's so horrible!!!! Even my lil sis said I look like dora the explorer... Oh my god!!!

she's a bitch. (episode 1)

she is the most terrifying bitch i've ever known. all my life, i tried to protect her, known her for what she is, trying to accept every single detail of her bullshit life. i guess evrything is a waste. especially when she has that someone. if only that sumone is powerless, then it'll give me an open chance to just say what's her mistakes is. i thought after having that sumone she'll change, guess it went wrong again. she's nothing but a bitch. a sly snake that can stranggle u whenever it wants to. she's like the head of all bitches. she's the worst. i can't imagine how on earth could that girl get such a love from sumone who is the best among all angels. i guess the world is just NOT FAIR! i trust her, i rely on her, i did my best for her. i even lied to el;der because of trying to protect her. i thought she's harmless. truthfully, she is the most poisonous girl in this whole wide world. i hate saying this but i regret for ever sacrificing my own happiness for her. i should have just let her die alone n live alone. it's not even my problem. now, i've opened my eyes widely. i've seen the bitterness behing her.

TEST!

JEZZ.. it's the beginning of may and everyone is having their test.. including me.. IGCSE! five deadly words that can change my future. i promise to myself that i would concentrate on my studies and all, yet, all the tempting are irresistable. i love games, fun, and stuff. but i have to make a goal to myself. life isin't just about FOOLING AROUND WITH THE SO CALLED LOVE. it's about WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU ARE. success is the key to everything and it can't be achieve with just a blink of eye. i hope all the best for everyone who's having their test :)))))). i hope all of them will pass with flying colors.

you are NOT rude, you are senseless.

Being obsessive bout sum1 is never wrong.. Especially when that sum1 is the one that u love. When u love sum1, u want to have him fully to you. That's when things got obsessed and pushed. Okay, fine.. I admit it. He was my love before, he was my evrything before. But since the start of this 2010, he has slowly became A PART OF MY E009's SWEET DREAM.. No more no less.. If only I didn't found out the truth, if only he didn't LIE to me.. If only we understand each other, NONE of this would happen. I don't have to had a river of tears. I wouldn't have REGRET for ever KNOWING you.. :( maybe it's GOD's will to have me had this kind of life.. And.. Surely, with GOD's bless, I'll survive..:)

c'mon arie, give me gud news.. :)

Oh my goodness... I wanna know.. I wanna know.. C'mon arie.. Let me know.. The clock is ticking away.. I wanna know.. My heart pumps real fast. I can't think as if what goes on my mind are all disappearing. Jeez.. 1, 2, 3.. Still.. No answer yet.. :( I sat down on my bed.. Thinking.. What actually do I want? What do I hope for the answer? A YES or A NO? Oh my god!! What if it's A YES? What if it's A NO? My mind are swirling around as if I regret for ever asking it..!! @.@ but still.. Sooner or later, I MUST KNOW!

I'm so confused with myself. I just don't know what to do.
Help me!!

weird dreams come again @.@

i felt like wanna throw myself in the open sea. i just don't know what the heck is going on with me. EVERYDAY, WHENEVER I'M TRYING TO FORGET YOU, I JUST KEEP MISSING YOU. please GOD, help me:(((. i wish i knew what u were before, so i won' t fall that deep. i wish i can return time. then, i'll never knew you. i might be wrong but i thought u r the best thing that ever happened to me when i moved there. i gave u everything, EVERYTHING. but.. i guess a boy is a boy. u just never understand why i can't let u have me AND have her. see, when u have two people that u loved, one is priority while another became an option. i wish u understand. i'm so scared that u made me as an OPTION, and now, i know the truth. U DID! so, the hell with you! i just hope that someday, u'll get what i got!!! it's so terrifying!! knowing that she is the one that u choose instead of me. having tears flowing over ur cheeks every night..... i just can't handle it anymore. I JUST HOPE THAT SHE WILL GIVE YOU A TASTE LIKE THAT !! then, u'll understand....i'm not evil, but people shud get what they deserve....